- CALVIN QUOTES (of "Calvin and Hobbes")
"I was born in this world to do a certain number of things.Right now,I'm so far behind that I'm never going to die!"
"Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know many swear words."
"A genius is never understood in his own lifetime."
"Sometimes I think that the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has ever tried to contact us."
"There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want to do."
"The problem with the future is that it keeps turning into the present."
"The only skills that I have the patience to learn are those that have no real application in life."
On sports--" I'd rather just run around.I hate all the rules and organization and teams and ranks in sports.Somebody's always yelling at you telling you where to be,what to do and when to do it.I figure when I want THAT,I'll join the army and at least get paid!!"
- Quotes from another super-duper hilarious comic strip, PEARLS BEFORE SWINE.
"The key to being a great poet is to be so obscure that nobody can understand you,much less criticize you."
"Everybody says that you shouldn't be judgemental,but how can you help it when life is filled with so many idiots?"
The logic of 'cheezepuffology'--"The fundamental tenet is that nothing you dream ever comes true,so you might as well live in front of the TV and scarf cheeze puffs!"
- A few others that managed to touch my heart!!....naah,my funny bone,actually! :)
"If Dracula can't see his reflection in the mirror,how come his hair is always so neatly combed?" - Steven Wright.
"Why is it that the winner of the Miss Universe contest always comes from Earth?" - Rich Hall.
"How many people here have telekinetic powers? Lift my hand." - Emo Philips.
"I constantly walk into a room and don't remember why.But for some reason,I think there's going to be a clue in the fridge." - Caroline Rhea.
"What if there were no hypothetical situations?" - John Mendoza.
"Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers to attract men? Men don't like flowers.I wear a scent called new-car-interior." - Rita Rudner.
"The problem is God gives men a brain and a penis and only enough blood to run one at a time." - Robbin Williams.
"Have you ever noticed that anyone driving slower than you is an idiot and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?" - George Carlin.
"It's obvious that women are smarter than men. Think about it-- Diamonds are a girl's best friend;man's best friend is a dog!" - Joan Rivers.
"Genius is just an exaggeration of dimensions. So is elephantiasis!" - Ayn Rand.
- And a few ANONYMOUS ones......
"When you're having a bad day and people are trying to piss you off,remember-- it takes 72 muscles to frown,14 to smile.....but only 4 to extend your middle finger!!"
"Friendship is like passing urine in your own pants.Others can only see it;but you can feel it gradually spreading and enjoy its warmth."
"Never ever hold in your farts. They travel up your spine,into your brain and that's where you get shitty ideas from!"
"Why fart and waste it when you can burp and taste it?"
"It's really hard to wait for the right person in your life ; especially when the wrong ones are so damn cute!"
"There is no good or bad in this world. Thinking makes it so..What is called 'congestion' in a bus becomes 'atmosphere' in a night club!"
"Ability is what can get you to the top; if the boss has no daughter!"
"Life is like a snooker table-- very colourful to see; but all balls!"
"The number of people looking at you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action."
"Organized people are lazy people...They're just too lazy to look for their things."
"When life throws lemons at you,don't make lemonade......Ask for tequilla and salt!"
"One of the greatest illusions of life is we always believe that there is more time tomorrow than there is today."
"Never argue with an idiot; because he first brings you down to his level and then beats you with experience."
"A single fact can spoil a good argument."
"Reality is an illusion that is born out of a shortage of alcohol."
"You are funny,and I like funny people; but looks aint everything!"
:-)
